Update: The job

Thank you all for your good thoughts on the job I applied for. Apparently, your thoughts and good wishes worked... the offered me the job.

Unfortunately, due to a couple of different reasons, I declined the position.

This was not a decision that I made lightly, and it still puts me in the position of being on the lookout for another job for the future (I'm not out of work... not yet).

Again, a big thanks to all of you.

More good thoughts wanted.

The job I mentioned in this post about a month ago? Well, I just got a call today that I made the short list for the position, and have a phone interview this week.

Fingers crossed, everyone. Fingers crossed.

Don't sweat the petty things OR pet the sweaty things...

I love my friends, and I wish them every happiness in the world.

But sometimes I am so jealous of things in their lives that I can hardly stand it.

Man, that sounds so friggin' petty... I hate feeling like that.

Keep your fingers crossed...

...I just submitted an online application for a job that I would really like to get.

I need to get all of the hard copies of my materials together, and send those in ASAP, but in the meantime, start thinking good thoughts for me.

Thankyouverymuch.

Bruce Dickinson says...

"Mississippi Queen" by Mountain just came up on random play on my iPod. There's just one thing that came to mind as it started...

MORE COWBELL!!!



That.is.all.

Black holes and revelations*

It's obvious the trouble we're in
When your father pulls up in a Mercedes Benz
He says he just happened to be in the neighborhood
But before he leaves he slips the landlord the rent
You say, "It's just a question of eliminating obstacles"
As you throw your dinner out the kitchen door
You say, "I know how you try"
But honey, let's eat out tonight

No one said it would be easy
But no one said it'd be this hard
No one said it would be easy
No one thought we'd come this far

You can't seem to ever fold up a shirt
I bring it up and you think I'm a jerk
But I think we're here to stay
I can't imagine it any other way

No one said it would be easy
But no one said it'd be this hard
No one said it would be easy
No one thought we'd come this far

Sometimes I wonder who he's picturing
When he looks at me and smiles

No one said it would be easy
But no one said it'd be this hard
No one said it would be easy
No one thought we'd come this far

Oh, and look we've come this far

~ "No One Said It Would Be Easy" by Sheryl Crow

The other night, I got into an in-depth, pretty serious, conversation with someone that has become very dear to me in a relatively short period of time. He and I talk quite a bit, and our conversations vary in topic—we've discussed everything from music to politics to movies to religion to design—but our conversation the other night went in a direction that it hadn't gone before. It all started innocently enough, I had asked him a question about his childhood, and we talked about each of our childhoods, and he then asked me if I missed it. I explained that I did not miss my childhood, that I missed the innocence and simplicity and security of being a young child, but that I had no desire to relive my childhood or my teenage years. He, on the other hand, misses his childhood a great deal, which seemed a little odd to me. Then, we got to the root of why, after we delved deeper into conversation.

It would seem that he, like a number of other people I know, battles depression. He told me this, and I was actually quite surprised by it. He thought it was rather strange that I hadn't noticed it before, at about how "negative" he can be. I told him that I didn't see it that way, which he was also a bit surprised by. He told me that he tackles each day as it comes, that he works very hard at functioning on a more "normal" level, and yet he still believes that the people he works with (among others) view him as a "gloomy Gus" from day-to-day. I have to say, this all took me a bit by surprise, but it gave me such a different insight into who he is, and some of the things he does, that I find myself thinking about him a bit differently. Not in a bad way, but in a more... empathetic manner.

Reason being that I related to a lot of the things he said. No, not to the extreme that he experiences things, but there are some similarities in the way we think. This is something I knew before, but it wasn't about things of this nature, it was more about relationships and culture and music. When we talked the other night, I found that we were of a similar mind about something that I haven't expressed to many people, and yet I found it easy to talk to him about. Here goes...

At this stage of my life, I never thought I would be dealing with my daily existence (the tough things, as well as the good things) alone. I thought I would have a partner in life to help with the burdens that life bestows upon us.

And here's the thing, HE'S the one that said something similar to that to me. Keep in mind, we are about the same age (within a year or two), but this is not the sort of thing that I've typically heard from men my age. No, neither one of us is incapable of taking care of ourselves—we've each been doing so for quite a while now—but we are of the same mind in thinking that we didn't believe we'd be bearing the burdens of life alone by now... and might be for the rest of our lives. We're hitting that point in our lives that it's a very real possibility. As much as we both feel that way, we're both of the same mind that we don't desire to be in relationships just for the sake of being in a relationship. Just for the sake of having someone to lean on in that manner. That brings a whole mess of different issues and problems with it.

Wow. Just wow. He really blew my mind in expressing this to me. And he apologized for laying such heavy stuff on me (about his depression issues, as well as this), and all I could think was how honored I felt that he would share all of this with me.

And then I thought about how much more endeared he is to me after his revelations.

*Thank you to Muse for the title of this one.

The way it is.

I have me, and just me, and that's the way it goes.

Said by me, in an email to my Father tonight.

Yes, I have friends and family that will support me, but I am responsible for me, my sanity, and my well-being. No one else.

Sorry to be such a downer, but sometimes it's just the way things are.