Closure...

...with a capital "C" and everything.

I saw my ex for the first time since things ended over 2 years ago. I saw him this past weekend, and I'm glad I did.

I thought that I was way over what had transpired between the two of us, and in most ways, I guess I was. But seeing him on Sunday night made me realize that there were still some things that I felt the need to say, and I got the chance to say them.

To tell him that I was hurt by the way he handled the ending of our relationship and the assumptions he made about my behavior—which were completely untrue, and based on his past relationships, not on the person that I am. To tell him some of the things I disliked about him when we were involved with one another. To tell him that he hurt me, but I realized soon after that we were destined to end the romantic part of our relationship anyway.

I also needed the opportunity to see him and really know that I don't desire him in any way any longer. Mission accomplished. As a matter of fact, I sat there wondering why I had been attracted to him in the first place. Not just on a physical level, but in other ways too. Had he always been this arrogant and full of himself? I look back now and realize that he had been. Had he always needed to be right? Yes, he had. Had he always looked like this? I guess he had, for the most part.

I also know that he's not completely happy in the relationship that he has been in for about 2 years now. That he's not getting fulfillment from it in the way he thought he would. Other than the fact that I got a little bit of satisfaction from that (after all, he ended what we had to be with her), I also thought: "I'm so glad this is her problem to deal with and not mine."

He is the kind of man that will always be looking for something better than he has at any given time. I realize that now. There will always be something missing for him. And eventually he'll do it one time too many, and he'll realize (too late) that he's been searching for something he never had a chance at finding.

This is my final bit of closure—and damn it feels good.

If you're interested in reading at all about what transpired when our relationship ended, head into my blog archives around the end of January of '06 and on from there.