I have a question...
Why is it that there are some relationships that seem to be an instant "click" between two people, whereas others come from a "slow burn" that develops between two people?
I don't seem to be the sort of person that has ever entered into a relationship quickly, even if there is a connection. More often than not, a connection like that has become a friendship that has sometimes evolved into a relationship. I have always thought that this is preferable, being that I have entered into a relationship with my eyes a little more "open" to who the other person really is, but perhaps I've been wrong. Perhaps the way to find a partner is to find someone that I'm immediately drawn to, involved with, and with whom I dive into a relationship head first. I see it happening for other people, and I wonder if I've been doing things wrong all of these years.
Maybe I have too many barriers up, too many reasons to feel like I can't enter into something that quickly. I'd like to think that I'm still very much open to love's (and life's) possibilities, but could it be that I'm not?
Monday, May 26, 2008
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6 comments:
I think wariness is a good thing. Now, having said that, I need to fess up that in my youth, I tended to begin relationships, uh, "quickly." A friend said once that she thought I led with my crotch. Crass as that is, it does have some truth: I always felt that my body was a gift that deserved to be given its pleasures. Otherwise, what's the point? And though I'd known hobbitt for some years before we became us, our relationship also started rather "warmly."
Go with your comforts. Be open and ready to protect yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin. That's the most important thing. The rest can be arbitrary and uncertain. But I do believe in my heart that you will find your foil!
As one who falls in love (or lust) rather quickly, it's hard for me to know what to say. I've probably been hurt a lot more because of this tendency. It is good to be wary, I think, but sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and plunge into the water.
Not much help, am I?
i like what bhd said above...and in my "yoot" i was a lot like what ali describes.
i had a habit of going from relationship to relationship without much time in between. and normally, there wasn't friendship first. when i turned 30...i wanted that to change. but then i met "Ray, the one that got away" LOL.
and i think had i been more wary or slower to jump in, i may have saved myself some heartbreak at least twice. with 2 men who i was obviously better suited to be dear friends with, than lovers and partners.
i can't say which is a good plan of action for you. but you know what george costanzo did, right? :wink:
and i think you're pretty darn open, my friend. i don't see you as a closed off person in any realm.
> bhd, alison, and rebecca:
See, here's the thing... I've also done the "lead with my body, not with my heart/mind" thing, but I've never entered into any of those situations thinking they were more than just a bit of gratification for both of us. Occasionally they have become something more, but I tend to know better in those situations.
I guess I'm just curious as to why some relationships seem to "shift into high gear" quicker than others, why they know that relationship is one they should move full steam ahead into. Hell, for all I know, when I do find myself in the "right" relationship, that will happen to me.
It's an interesting question.
I don't often trust my instincts, which is odd for someone who's as ridiculously sentimental and romantic as I am. I don't know where these instincts get their ideas, so I don't count on them to take me where I want to go. Plus it's generally taken me a while to work up the nerve to ask someone out. (Girls are scary. Pretty, but scary. ;) )
I've been what I would call impulsive about love roughly once in my life. It didn't work out, and if I hadn't been all "damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead" about it I might have taken the fairly obvious warning signs more seriously. It hurt like hell, but I also learned that it really is better to have loved and lost.
If the "slow burn" thing works for you, if it produces satisfying relationships, then why not?
> winter...
That's just it. I don't know if it is working for me. After all, I am still single. LOL
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